I think I want a purple one

So my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.   I have decided that I need to get a breather in between men.  As soon I go out too soon I only think about the guy I used to go out with. 

 

 

I recently went out with a guy that got on my last nerve.  May be he thought I was desperate or something, he said everything he thought I wanted to hear.  Like Oh I love you, after knowing me for a day, you love me????  Yeah right!   Not to mention the beautiful family he kept saying we would have and he was like oh you are so pretty this, you are so pretty that.  I bet your morning breath even smells good.  What the Hell!?!  So since I know that isn’t true I blew my breath in his face. That will teach him!   I mean who wants to hear Hallmark greetings all damn day??? 

 

 

So while he is reciting poems all damn day in his best Kyle Barker voice, I am thinking about my old flame.  Time spent with my old flame was totally different, though he liked me he never said oh baby your farts smell like roses.  As a matter of fact, we would say hey don’t put your face under the cover.  When I go in the bathroom instead of him saying oh your shit smells like roses he lights incense.  I can appreciate that.  See…… he would never say my morning breath smells good.  He knew when to be lovey dovey and when not to be.    

 

 

So….. back to the rebound guy.  No matter how hard I tried not to think about my old flame I couldn’t help it.  No matter what the new guy did, in my head I am like No no no.  He would never do that, he would never say that.  Why can’t you just be more like him?  Now the rebound guy is all upset because I have an attitude and he doesn’t know why.  Poor thang it is not even his fault.  It is me that is still thinking about old flame.

 

 

I know the saying the best way to get over an old love is to get under a new love but that just doesn’t work for me.  I need alone time right after, which is how I get over an old love. So……… I plan on investing in a good vibrator for those in between times.  I am not going to jump into the arms of another man to get over the old man.  I will just have to find something to do in the mean time, I have a lot of hobbies I can work on and on those lonely days I will pull out the trusty vibrator. I heard the rabbit or the dolphin was good and they have pretty colors.    No more calling up boy toys for the night.   I am too damn old to still have meaningless sex and my body is worth more than that.  I am so much more than that. 

 

 

I am not stuck on the old guy I just know that in order for me to give the next guy a fair shot I need to take some healing time.  I never want to be the “Bag Lady” that Erykah Badu sings about or have that Icebox for a heart.  Every relationship needs to start fresh without thinking about the old love.